Kendal would often remark about the things she would do if she lost her excess weight. She would say, “If I lost this weight, I’d take up salsa dancing. If I felt good about myself, I’d wear shorts during the summer. If I were smaller, I’d stop giving that guy at work the cold shoulder.”
One day as she was complaining about all of the things she couldn’t do because of her weight, her friend stopped her. “What if you were more confident?” Aubrey asked softly. “What if you do feel good about yourself? What if you are already good enough?”
“Maybe,” Aubrey challenged her friend, “What’s holding you back isn’t what you are, only what you think you aren’t.”
Why Is It Hard to Change?
Often we let a lack of self-confidence hold us back from pursuing our goals, building authentic relationships, and loving ourselves unconditionally. But what if you flipped the script? What if you stopped waiting for that confidence and instead embraced it as yours?
It’s easy to create self-limiting beliefs. Most people do it every day without realizing it. These are the stories you tell yourself about why you’re settling for less than what you want. Some of the stories might sound good or even noble. But it doesn’t change the fact they’re not true.
What Story Are You Telling Yourself?
The key to becoming more confident is to ask yourself what story you’re telling. Is it really true you can’t be a sexy woman if you have three kids and a mortgage? Is it true to say that guy wouldn’t like you if he saw your chubby thighs and belly? What awful things would people think if you wore those cute shorts out in public?
If you were honest with yourself, you’d admit that these stories aren’t the problem. They’re masking a deeper issue like fear, loneliness, or rejection. Confronting the heart of the matter will make it easier for you to walk in newfound confidence.
What If You Just Went for It?
Sometimes, the best way to overcome fear and increase your confidence is to do something bold. Do it before you feel confident. Do it before you feel spontaneous. Do it before you feel like you’re ready.
When you challenge yourself to do things before you feel prepared, you experience new adventures. You grow in exciting ways. You discover parts of your personality that you didn’t know you had.
Why Not Make a List?
Create a list of things you always tell yourself you’ll do when you’re “ready”. For example, you keep saying you’ll go on a cruise as soon as you lose the last twenty pounds. Except you’ve been “losing” those pounds for three years now.
Each New Year’s, you promise yourself you’ll go back to school so you can get out of the job you hate and start doing work that matters to you. But you haven’t made the time to fill out the local college’s placement test.
Once you have your list, don’t file it away! Pick one thing on it and take action right now. Call a travel agent and get information on upcoming cruises. Talk to your college about scheduling an appointment for the placement testing. Get those cute shorts out of the drawer, put them on, and rock them!
Stop waiting for confidence and embrace the now. Be your beautiful, bold, confident self!